For those of you who feel the urge to be helpful (or simply find yourself being directly asked for input), please consider that providing useful insights is much more difficult than it seems.

Example – backstage just before a sketch show, a talented performer is stressing out to the point that he looks like he will have a stroke.

Cast members are noticing. Trying to be helpful, one after another approaches and asks, “hey, are you ok?” Which is almost as bizarre as it is unhelpful. He is clearly NOT OK. And the more that folks approach him, the more he realizes everyone can see he is NOT OK. Which reinforces and amplifies his condition. He is anything but OK.

His pulse becomes visible in a throbbing vein. His stress has reached maximum capacity. He is one helpful-piece-of-advice away from physically exploding.

And then a cast member walks over to him and says “What kind of cheese doesn’t belong to you?”

His expression changes from primal fear and stress to utter confusion. Huh?

The cast member continues: “Nacho Cheese”.

A stupid joke, perhaps, but it has the intended effect. The  performer’s stress disappears into a fit of silent giggles (everyone is still backstage in a very small theater – if one sneezes, someone in the audience will almost certainly reply “God bless you”. This restriction adds to the hilarity).

Within 30 seconds, the performer is ready to go onstage, where he proceeds to turn in a superb performance.

Remember – when offering advice, understand what the recipient needs. Provide no more, and no less.

If this seems too challenging, there is a simple adjustment you can make to help steer the input to the heart of the matter. Instead of sharing an insight, ask a question.

If someone asks you what they should do about (fill in the blank _______), try replying with “What would happen if you (fill in the rest _________).

Variations such as “Have you considered _______” are perfectly fine. Asking a question forces you to think more clearly in terms of what the listener needs. It also provides an opportunity for the listener to evaluate your input without feeling threatened or criticized. After all, it is just a question.

If that seems like too much work, then consider sharing advice as if it was money coming out of your bank account. And you barely have enough for yourself.

That metaphor isn’t working for you? How about this – treat advice like nitroglycerin. Used with respect and care, it can move mountains. Used casually or without much thought, it can blow up in your face (and worse).

If nothing else, just remember that advice can be a complicated interaction and should be asked for, and offered, with appropriate gravity.