If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, then advice is the asphalt.

This is especially true of unsolicited advice. Almost any recent college graduate has received it. Well-meaning friends and relatives begin offering insights unbidden. Ostensibly they are trying to help. In reality, they are talking to themselves.

You can confirm this by actually listening to some of this advice. Think about the person to whom the advice is directed – is  this what he or she needs to hear?  Or is it what you wish you had heard (and acted on) some time ago?

But then there is feedback, advice you requested. We’re still dealing with the aforementioned asphalt. If you don’t want to follow that road, you need to keep a few things in mind.

One, understand that most people struggle to articulate their thoughts and ideas. We tend to utter incomplete phrases, words, pauses, hums, and other extraneous noises while we struggle to form a coherent statement. Again, listen to what someone says when they offer advice – how many times do you hear “ah”, “hmm”, “like”, “maybe,” or my personal favorite for its sheer befuddlement factor “Yeah, no”.

Two, remember that people are incredibly sensitive. We notice everything, we just don’t realize it consciously. But we are affected by everything we notice. So when it is time to share our insights, we struggle to express our feelings in ways we think (and hope) are socially acceptable.

So, when asked for feedback, most struggle to articulate a coherent thought about something they noticed but cannot remember clearly what it was or exactly why it drew attention.

Which brings us to the question, what should you do when you receive advice?

Answer – listen for clues that tell you what triggered a reaction.

It’s that simple, but not easy.  The key is to recognize the thing that generated a response, the item or detail that made someone react. That is where you need to focus your attention.

If you receive feedback from multiple sources and everyone keeps offering suggestions for one particular area, then you need to look at that area and make a change.

For actors, this situation routinely occurs during an audition. After the actor finishes, the director responds with something like, “That was good, I want you to do it again but this time…”

The successful actor ignores whatever comes next. Remember points one and two above? This is where they are painfully illustrated.

The actor will hear things like “yeah, no, that was good, but, you know, ah, add some depth, ah, maybe, make it more, you know, red instead of yellow and see if you can ah, maybe, do something a bit more, ah, you know, gray where it was black and white, ok?”

The only thing worse than taking this “feedback” seriously is trying to actually incorporate it .

The successful actor knows this, and accordingly nods, takes a breath and makes a clear and distinct change in the performance. That’s it.

This immediately demonstrates the actor can work with criticism without complaint, and make an adjustment. Even if it doesn’t match what the director had in mind (assuming there was something there), it sends a powerful message – “I am capable of working with you”.

Back to your situation. Pay attention to the thing that draws the most comments. Make a fundamental change. Try it out again.

But what if the feedback is unfocused on one area? What if you get a variety of suggestions that seem to contradict each other and leave you baffled?

The simple answer is, your efforts did not yield the results you sought. Try again.

Understand, this is not a call for you to accommodate every observation by every person. You can always choose to ignore advice. After all, it is probably incoherent and meant for the person who gave it, right?

Or you can learn to recognize the clues that help you understand where you can make improvements. That skill might the most value you can ever obtain from advice.